Friday, July 16, 2010

I Hate This Song

I have to get this off my chest. That song by Lady Gaga, "Just Dance"...I hate it. I absolutely hate it. And you know why? It's the damn lyrics.

I've had a little bit too much, much
All of the people start to rush, start to rush by
How does he twist the dance? Can't find a drink, oh man
Where are my keys? I lost my phone, phone

What's going on on the floor?
I love this record baby but I can't see straight anymore
Keep it cool, what's the name of this club?
I can?t remember but it's alright, a-alright

Just dance, gonna be okay, da da doo-doo-mmm
Just dance, spin that record babe, da da doo-doo-mmm
Just dance, gonna be okay, d-d-d-dance
Dance, dance, just, j-j-just dance

So this broad's hammered off her ass, she's losing her belongings and she doesn't know where she is. But as long as she's dancing, everything will be okay? I'm sorry, but the outright irresponsibility of the song is KILLING ME. And yes, I know it's just a song, but the fact that Gaga's singing what she's singing just really bugs me. It makes me wonder if I'm becoming a prude or something.



And you know those rumors about Gaga being a hermaphrodite? Well, the more I hear this song on the radio (unless I'm changing the station when it comes on), the more I started thinking about those rumors. So, I rewrote the lyrics to this song.

RedOne, Konvict
GaGa, oh-oh, eh

I've shown a little bit too much, much
All of the people start to guess, start to guess on
“Where does she shop for pants? Is she really a man?
Does she have a bone, bone?”

What's going on, on down below?
I love this drama baby but am I really straight anymore?
Keep it cool, maybe I’m really a dude.
I can't remember but it's alright, a-alright

My pants, gonna have to guess, wha’, what’s in themmm?
My pants, play that guessin game, wha’, what’s in themmm?
My pants, gonna be okay, p-p-p-pants
Pants, pants, my, m-m-my pants

Wish I could strut my playboy stuff, oh oh oh-oh
Could I turn myself inside out? Inside outright
Watchin’ my hormones babe, roses have thorns they say
And if you’re lucky, you’ll get pricked tonight, oh oh oh-oh

What's going on on down below?
I love this drama baby but am I really straight anymore?
Keep it cool, maybe I’m really a dude.
I can't remember but it's alright, a-alright

My pants, gonna have to guess, wha’, what’s in themmm?
My pants, play that guessin game, wha’, what’s in themmm?
My pants, gonna be okay, p-p-p-pants
Pants, pants, my, m-m-my pants

When I come through on the dance floor checkin' out that catalog,
Can't believe my eyes, so many women without a flaw,
Even the full-on boys with pretty eyes like Adam Lambert catch me lookin’.
Gaga, you got me wondrin’ before I try to hit that, what’s between them legs?

Shawty I can see that you got too much energy,
The way you're workin’ them hips up against me.
But now there's two reasons why you ain’t leavin’ here with me.
If you got balls I don’t wanna be your catcher now.

My pants, gonna have to guess, wha’, what’s in themmm?
My pants, play that guessin game, wha’, what’s in themmm?

My pants, gonna have to guess, wha’, what’s in themmm?
My pants, play that guessin game, wha’, what’s in themmm?
My pants, gonna be okay, p-p-p-pants
Pants, pants, my, m-m-my pants

Woo! Let's go!
Half a chick, sick, hypnotic
Got no implants, it's hormones
Half a man, sick, hypnotic
Got my blueprint testiculars

Half a chick, sick, hypnotic
Got my blueprint, it's hormones
Half a man, sick, hypnotic
Got my blueprint testiculars

Go! Take my muscle, whip it out, work it, hustle
I got it, just stay close enough if you want it.
Go slow! Drive it, clean it, lights out, bleed it
Testosterone
(I got it)
Ragin’ through me
(I got it)

My pants, gonna have to guess, wha’, what’s in themmm
My pants, play that guessin game, wha’, what’s in themmm

My pants, gonna have to guess, wha’, what’s in themmm
My pants, play that guessin game, wha’, what’s in themmm
My pants, gonna be okay, p-p-p-pants
Pants, pants, my, m-m-my pants

Thursday, July 15, 2010

The Steelers Blanket Is Done

I actually finished the Steelers logo blanket last Tuesday, the 6th. I worked on it for my husband off and on for a handful of weeks. I actually started working on it in Myrtle Beach on April 22 or 23. I’m going to go off on a tangent here, so bear with me. We were in MB for a wedding and a long weekend. We were staying on the beach at a resort called The Breakers. My husband decided it was a good time for a little power nap, so I sat outside on the balcony, crocheting, facing the beach and the ocean and the palm trees. God, that was FABULOUS! The breeze and the waves and the sound. It made me start to rethink my beach-storm-damage phobia and wonder if I could ever live on a beach someday.

Anyway, the logo itself was done entirely in single crochet. I really should have learned to do Tunisian crochet instead for a cleaner look. Or maybe I should have started doing my color changes differently. I look at it and I see a couple mistakes, and I don’t know which one is more glaringly obvious (but then again, I am my own worst critic): the changes in width of the silver circle around the logo or the odd shift in the blue design at the bottom.

Of course, I didn’t notice the extent of the silver mistake, or even the blue, until I was finished. It was worked back and forth, from the top down. I think this created some nice draping to it on top that the bottom didn’t get, but it also made me pay more attention to the part I was currently working on instead of looking it all over. I didn’t start running into problems with it until I was about ¾ of the way finished with the logo itself. That’s when the swearing began. There were a couple of evenings that I spent yanking the yarn apart because I found a mistake seven rows back (each row was 160 SC wide, just so you know).

I would have taken a better photo of it, maybe one of Shane holding it so you can see it for size, but he's already hit the sack for the night.

Don’t get me wrong…I am proud of this blanket. I was counting out loud as I went, both from the chart and while I was crocheting, but I still made a couple of mistakes somewhere and that bothers me. I’ve never done a chart like this before and it looked more like a cross stitch pattern than it did crochet, so I did do something new.

The thing I am most proud about this blanket...the fact that you can read the word "Steelers" on the side. I was totally expecting that to not be readable.


However, my husband is happy with this because he got it made to his specifications: really just the logo with some striping on the ends, reminiscent of the jersey sleeves. Finished, it’s 50” tall by 45” wide and this sucker is WARM. That’s actually part of the reason I had to put it aside for awhile: our AC had crapped out here at the house for a long weekend and I couldn’t bear to have it laid out across my lap as I worked on it. I made it on an I sized hook (it called for an H hook but I didn't see that part in the pattern). This is what I used:
--the trim is actually leftover black Boucle yarn from my Captain Jack Sparrow (it was his hair)—about ½ skein
--Lion Brand Wool Ease Worsted Weight in Grey Heather (#151)—about 1 ¼ skeins
--Caron Natura (Worsted Weight) in Royal for the blue (#0040)—about ½ skein
--Caron Natura (Worsted Weight) in Scarlet for the red (#0045)—about ½ skein
--Caron Natura (Worsted Weight) in Lemon for the yellow (#0076)—about ½ skein
--Caron Natura (Worsted Weight) in White (#0001)—1 skein and Caron One Pounder in White (#501)—full pound—for all the white. Just as an FYI: even though they were both WW Caron in white, they were not the exact same shade, even though they were not part of any dye lots.
--Caron Natura (Worsted Weight) in Black (#0007)—about 8 skeins

I was smart and saved the PDF of this pattern right away when I found it, so as time goes on, if this blanket falls apart, I can make a new (better) one! I actually came across this pattern way back in February. I'm glad I saved it then, because it's since been taken offline.

Donna Hammell designed it, and at one time, she had logos for almost all of the NFL teams available as free crochet patterns. I don't know what happened...they just all disappeared. But then again, maybe she decided to not give those designs away for free. I know that if I designed something that great, I wouldn't offer it up for free!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

What Not To Crochet

If I ever made this, my husband wouldn't let me out of the house wearing it, much less be seen with me in public if I were wearing it!


What I would have especially loved would have been to see the model's face. She's probably got a WTF kind of look on her face.