Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Got a Little "Bah Humbug" Going On

I feel like this Christmas, I'm having a hard time getting into the spirit of the holiday. Hell, I even felt like this at Halloween but not Thanksgiving for some reason. I think this might be the first time I've ever had a case of the Christmas blues. Hell, I can't even come up with a good post for "My Favorite Things" like I've done here for the last two years. It feels kind of trivial.

It's been kind of a shitty year, to say the least. We lost my husband's mom unexpectedly earlier this year, and my mom became sick again but at least her chemo is working. I think a big part of my problem is not having Jeanie around any more.

Shane told me earlier this year that he wanted red and white rope lights for the front tree, and red lights for the tree he planted in the front yard for his mom. I got a bunch of lights and it took me forever to get off my ass and actually put the damn things up. Shane came and helped with his mom's garden's decorations. When I finally finished the the peppermint lights for tree, I was alone in the yard. I stood out there in the dark and started to cry over the damn things. Red was his mom's favorite color. I got myself together, went back in the house and never let on how I was feeling.

I didn't even want to put up a tree this year. I was going to bring down the little ceramic Christmas tree that my grandma made in 1977 for the family and use it instead. I asked Shane last week how he was feeling about Christmas this year and he said he was doing fine, and then asked me why. I told him I wasn't really feeling this year, but I didn't go into great detail. I figure it's probably better for me to try and be strong where his mom is concerned, at least for him, anyway.

On Monday afternoon before I got home, I got a photo sent to me from Shane. It was a picture of Cujo sitting in our driveway next to a Christmas tree. Shane wrote that he took Cujo with him to shop for a tree and let Cujo pick it out for me from the church down the street. I thought that was wildly sweet and sad in a way, because it means that no matter what Shane is going through, he's still thinking about me.

So we've got the tree, it's decorated, I have my Santa's scattered throughout the house, and I need to bring Snoopy and his house downstairs from the attic to the front yard. Maybe if I fake Christmas spirit, it'll work out.

I was listening to the radio this morning on the way into work, and the question of the morning was, "What was the hot toy at Christmas when you were a kid, and did you get it?" There were Cabbage Patch kids, of course, but I didn't ask for one. One of my aunt's actually made me one and I liked it better than the store bought one. I asked my mom where it was, earlier this year, because I wanted it. She said she gave it away because it was old. Bummer.

The one toy that sticks out in my mind (and I just texted my sister to see if she knew where it was) was my stuffed Chewie. I saw him in K-Mart one day while I was with my mom. It must have been about 1977 or 1978, pre-Christmas.

I lost my mind when I saw the Wookie. There were boxes and boxes of them on the shelves. I believe it was a blue box. He even had his ammo belt on. He was wonderful. I needed my own Chewie, even though as a kid of 4 or 5, I knew a person couldn't own a Wookie, because they weren't meant to be pets, but you could be best friends with a Wookie. Hey, I understood the logic of Star Wars, even at that tender age. Droids were for owning, not Wookies.

So there in the middle of the toy section, I remember telling my mom that I neeeeeeeeeeded a Chewie for Christmas. She said no, I didn't need any more toys for Christmas because I was going to get plenty. I insisted. She resisted. And that's when she told me I lost my shit in the store. I started shrieking that I'd ask Santa Claus for it then, because SANTA would bring it to me since SHE wouldn't get me a Wookie!!!!!!!!

Guess what was under the Christmas tree for me that year. There was an inflatable lightsaber, an inflatable R2-D2 punching bag...and my very own Chewbacca. He was as perfect in real life as he had been on the shelf, with a face so furry, you couldn't see his eyes. Mom even trimmed the fur around his eyes and nose for me, so you could see those big brown wise eyes. She told me later on, that normally she would have gotten after me for pitching a fit in public like that, but I was so adamant about neeeeeeeeeeeeeeding that Chewie, that she just couldn't say no.

I loved that damn toy. In fact, as I think back on him today, I think I'm going to check eBay later on, just in case my original Wookie is long gone from my parents' house. The only thing there is that maybe some little kid got my Chewie and my Cabbage Patch Kid from the local Goodwill store.


  1. I didn't put a tree up this year. It just doesn't seem like the same any more. I don't think Christmas is as much fun as an adult. :(

  2. That might be part of it. As adults, we have to put up and take down all the decorations, figure out a budget for gifts, and get things that are practical as gifts. There's nothing anything wrong with that part but when was the last time you tore into a gift with an absolute frenzy like a wild person when you saw through the wrapping paper? :)

    Besides, even the good Christmas carols that get played on the radio are bumming me out this year, so I'm making it a point to avoid listening to the local station playing them.

  3. I agree that Christmas isn't as much fun as an adult. All the things that are bothering you are still there, and you can't just make them go away, even if it is a special day. I hope you still have a good Christmas though.

    That story of you & your Wookie is so precious! Star Wars is serious business!

  4. Thanks! And I'm so glad to see you back online. :)

    But you know what...I was out shopping today for a few odds and ends for the pets and ended up in the holiday section of the store. I found a Santa baker statue (he's decorating a gingerbread house) and it made me wildly happy for some reason. I haven't bought any new Santas for a couple years now, so he needed to come home with me.