Thursday, November 6, 2014

A Weird Song Idea Ran Through My Head

The days of the 11-12 hour workday have ended, now that Homerama is over, thankfully. In one of my days off, I managed to get in a little bit of Hotel Transylvania, a terribly cute/sweet/good movie that came out in 2012.

I've seen it before, but I had forgotten who did the voice of Wayne the Wolf until I saw the end credits: Steve Buscemi. I was surprised that the animators didn't give Wayne those same baggy blue eyes that Steve has in real life. And since then, this song parody has been running through my head, and I figured I better get it written down and out of my brain to make some room for new, weirder shit.

Imagine it being sung to the tune of "Bette Davis Eyes" by Kim Carnes...that's right...we're going old school 80's parody today!!! And I just want to officially state...I am not bashing Steve Buscemi or his appearance. He is a great actor, and his eyes just happen to be his most distinct feature. His eyes are as prominent as Sylvester Stallone's mouth, or Clint Eastwood's grimace.

His hair is Brooklyn brown, his teeth a dental surprise
His hands are never cold, he's got Steve Buscemi eyes
He'll turn to sleaze on you, you won't have to think twice
He's pure as the Fargo snow, he got Steve Buscemi eyes

And he'll tease you, he'll unease you
All the better just to creep you
He's ferocious
And he knows what it takes to make a movie crush
He gets Quentin Tarantino sighs, he's got Steve Buscemi eyes

He'll let you take him work, it whets his appetite
He'll play the biggest jerk, he got Steve Buscemi eyes
He'll never take a fall for you, roll over like he's got a price
Until Oscar's in his queue, he's got Steve Buscemi eyes

He'll direct you, when he needs you
Hope you'll feed with the crumbs he leaves you
He's anything but atrocious
And he knows what it takes to make a movie crush
He's not John Waters in disguise, he's got Steve Buscemi eyes

And he'll tease you, he'll unease you
All the better just to creep you
He's ferocious
And he knows what it takes to make a movie crush
The Coen Brothers think he's a prize, he's got Steve Buscemi eyes

And he'll tease you, he'll unease you
And he can even please you, he's got Steve Buscemi eyes
He'll expose you when he knows you
He knows you, he's got Steve Buscemi eyes

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