Friday, August 5, 2016

Goodbye, Cujo Bear


Cujo was no ordinary dog. To me, he was my bear. If I weren't such a nerd and had a  name picked out for him before his PARENTS were even born, he would have been named either Teddy or Bear. Instead, he was my Cujo-Bear. The nickname took so well that even my friends called him that.

Being with him at the end, seeing him off on whatever doggie angel adventures he's on now, was gut wrenching. It knocked the breath right out of me. I never wished for my asthma inhaler like I did last night. But I wanted to make sure, that no matter where he was, or whatever might have been left of him, even in that snuggly little body. to know he wasn't alone and that he was loved, even past the end.

It was heartbreaking to see my husband, normally kind of a stoic kind of guy, to continue to hug, kiss and pet Cujo, even after he was gone, and whisper that he loved him. "You'll always be my buddy."

I held his paw, like I did the day we brought him home, and told him to go find Dixie and our Mom's so he wouldn't be alone. Shane rubbed his head and told him to also find Bud, our family's first dog.

Poor Orion seemed confused last night when we came home without him. He'd had an upset tummy while we were at work and had an accident in his bed, so when we came home, it was time to start the laundry. His bed's gone now and an exercise bicycle sits in its place so that we don't have that hole there. Instead, the hole is just emotional. That is just as bad.

Today is the first day without him. I feel like I've been stabbed in the chest. Laying in bed after my husband left for work, I started crying already. It's going to be a rough day.

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